Episode 13
The Princess and the Squire, Part 2
In a puff of smoke and a flash of lightning, Merle the Wizard materialised in a darkened room.
‘I got good news for you,’ she said to a cloaked figure in a corner. ‘If you want Camelhot, now’s your chance to get it. Princess Flame is in Castle Threadbare. She’s all chained up and pretty out of it.’
‘So?’ the figure said, in a voice cracked from lack of use, and perhaps emotion.
‘So? So you can go kill her! You’d be a fool not to. Just make sure you do it before Allfire hands Camelhot over to Geoffrey and gets the Princess back, all right?’
‘What if I don’t?’
‘Hey, no skin off my nose. But you will. I know you. And if you succeed, hey, maybe I’ll look you up someday. Right now, though, I have my fingers in a lot of other pies - way bigger and tastier pies than Camelhot. See you around, kid!’
With that, Merle disappeared in smoke and lightning, her cackle echoing in the darkness even after she was gone.
‘I got good news for you,’ she said to a cloaked figure in a corner. ‘If you want Camelhot, now’s your chance to get it. Princess Flame is in Castle Threadbare. She’s all chained up and pretty out of it.’
‘So?’ the figure said, in a voice cracked from lack of use, and perhaps emotion.
‘So? So you can go kill her! You’d be a fool not to. Just make sure you do it before Allfire hands Camelhot over to Geoffrey and gets the Princess back, all right?’
‘What if I don’t?’
‘Hey, no skin off my nose. But you will. I know you. And if you succeed, hey, maybe I’ll look you up someday. Right now, though, I have my fingers in a lot of other pies - way bigger and tastier pies than Camelhot. See you around, kid!’
With that, Merle disappeared in smoke and lightning, her cackle echoing in the darkness even after she was gone.
Flicker emerged from a tower doorway and skidded to a halt on the ramparts, where he found Sir Loungelot, Sir Blaze, Sir Burnevere, Sir Galahot, Sir Hotbreath and Sir Charash standing in a neat line, all armed and ready for battle.
‘Oh good, you haven’t left yet,’ said Flicker. ‘I’m coming too!’
‘Of course you are, Flicker,’ said Sir Blaze.
‘We knew you’d want to,’ said Sir Burnevere.
‘Well, let’s not stand around here all day!’ said Flicker. ‘Come on, let’s go!’
‘We’re not supposed to leave just yet, Flicker,’ said Sir Loungelot. ‘King Allfire wants to talk to us before we go.’
‘King Allfire wants to talk… but this is an emergency!’ said Flicker. ‘Doesn’t he realise that the longer we hang around here, the more danger Flame could be in?’
‘Geoffrey needs her alive if he’s planning to hold her to ransom,’ said Sir Galahot. ‘I’m sure -’
‘Well I’m not sure!’ said Flicker. ‘I can’t be sure, and neither can the rest of you! We need to leave, and we need to do it right now!’
‘Well,’ said Sir Loungelot, ‘when you put it like that, perhaps…’
‘It’s all right,’ said Sir Hotbreath, ‘the King is about to arrive.’
Hotbreath pointed to a tower opposite the one through which Flicker had arrived. Everyone turned their heads to see King Allfire emerging onto the ramparts.
‘Ah, good, you’re all here,’ he said. ‘As I’m sure you’re well aware, I am relying on you to save my daughter and my kingdom. And see if you can capture Count Geoffrey and his Evil Knights while you’re at it, then we can chuck them into the dungeon with their friend - I’ve rather had enough of
them, to be honest with you.’
‘My Liege,’ said Sir Loungelot, ‘it will be done.’
‘I wish I could come with you,’ King Allfire sighed, ‘but I fear I really am too old for battle now, and I’d probably just hold you up.’
‘Oh no, Your Majesty!’ said Sir Blaze. ‘That simply isn’t true.’
‘It’s very kind of you to say that, Sir Blaze,’ said King Allfire, ‘but you are quite wrong, I’m afraid. Well, that was all I wanted to say, really. Good luck, everyone.’
With that, King Allfire turned around and shuffled back down the tower stairway.
‘That was pointless,’ Flicker grumbled. ‘We already knew -’
‘Come now, Flicker,’ said Sir Loungelot, squeezing Flicker’s shoulder, ‘let’s just get on with it, shall we? Knights, forward!’
They all spread their wings and rose into the air.
‘Oh good, you haven’t left yet,’ said Flicker. ‘I’m coming too!’
‘Of course you are, Flicker,’ said Sir Blaze.
‘We knew you’d want to,’ said Sir Burnevere.
‘Well, let’s not stand around here all day!’ said Flicker. ‘Come on, let’s go!’
‘We’re not supposed to leave just yet, Flicker,’ said Sir Loungelot. ‘King Allfire wants to talk to us before we go.’
‘King Allfire wants to talk… but this is an emergency!’ said Flicker. ‘Doesn’t he realise that the longer we hang around here, the more danger Flame could be in?’
‘Geoffrey needs her alive if he’s planning to hold her to ransom,’ said Sir Galahot. ‘I’m sure -’
‘Well I’m not sure!’ said Flicker. ‘I can’t be sure, and neither can the rest of you! We need to leave, and we need to do it right now!’
‘Well,’ said Sir Loungelot, ‘when you put it like that, perhaps…’
‘It’s all right,’ said Sir Hotbreath, ‘the King is about to arrive.’
Hotbreath pointed to a tower opposite the one through which Flicker had arrived. Everyone turned their heads to see King Allfire emerging onto the ramparts.
‘Ah, good, you’re all here,’ he said. ‘As I’m sure you’re well aware, I am relying on you to save my daughter and my kingdom. And see if you can capture Count Geoffrey and his Evil Knights while you’re at it, then we can chuck them into the dungeon with their friend - I’ve rather had enough of
them, to be honest with you.’
‘My Liege,’ said Sir Loungelot, ‘it will be done.’
‘I wish I could come with you,’ King Allfire sighed, ‘but I fear I really am too old for battle now, and I’d probably just hold you up.’
‘Oh no, Your Majesty!’ said Sir Blaze. ‘That simply isn’t true.’
‘It’s very kind of you to say that, Sir Blaze,’ said King Allfire, ‘but you are quite wrong, I’m afraid. Well, that was all I wanted to say, really. Good luck, everyone.’
With that, King Allfire turned around and shuffled back down the tower stairway.
‘That was pointless,’ Flicker grumbled. ‘We already knew -’
‘Come now, Flicker,’ said Sir Loungelot, squeezing Flicker’s shoulder, ‘let’s just get on with it, shall we? Knights, forward!’
They all spread their wings and rose into the air.
‘Look,’ said Sir Charash, ‘there’s a rider down there.’
‘He’s waving at us,’ said Sir Burnevere.
‘I think he’s trying to attract our attention,’ said Sir Galahot.
‘We don’t have time for distractions!’ said Flicker. ‘Come on, we have to get to Castle Threadbare!’
‘Wait a moment,’ said Sir Hotbreath, ‘that’s the Puce Knight! I wonder what he’s doing here.’
‘I think we should go down and find out what he wants,’ said Sir Charash.
‘He does seem very keen to talk to us,’ said Sir Loungelot. ‘I know it seems like just another delay, Flicker, but we really must go down - we might regret it later if we don’t.’
‘Very well, Milord,’ said Flicker. ‘You’re right, I suppose.’
The seven dragons curved in the air as they flew towards the ground. They landed in a circle around the mounted figure in puce armour.
‘Ah, the Knights of the Square Table,’ the familiar voice from behind the solid helmet said approvingly. ‘I have come to warn you that you are flying towards great peril.’
‘We already know that!’ said Flicker. ‘Flame’s the one who’s in great peril, and we’re going to rescue her!’
‘Acting with undue haste is invariably worse than failing to act at all,’ said the Puce Knight. ‘Forewarned is forearmed… and you, my hot-headed young friend, are neither.’
‘Flicker didn’t mean to speak with such disrespect,’ said Sir Hotbreath. ‘It’s just that he’s worried about Princess Flame… as are we all, of course.’
‘And so you should be,’ said the Puce Knight. ‘But if you had gone charging in to save her without first knowing what is waiting for you, you might have found yourselves at something of a disadvantage. Count Geoffrey has filled his castle with mercenaries, and they are ready and willing to do all they can to stop you rescuing Princess Flame.’
‘So,’ said Sir Galahot, ‘it seems that Geoffrey has realised that he needs more than two henchmen to put up a decent fight against a sizeable group of dragons - how tiresome that the penny should finally drop now!’
‘Mercenaries,’ Flicker said scathingly. ‘Seven dragons fighting to save their princess and their kingdom are worth more than an entire army of hired human soldiers!’
‘I hope with all my heart that you are right on that count,’ said the Puce Knight, ‘because your theory is about to be tested.’
‘What manner of mercenaries are these, exactly?’ asked Sir Burnevere.
‘Savage barbarians,’ said the Puce Knight, ‘from the border country, beyond the Vale of Evesham.’
‘You mean Celts,’ Sir Loungelot said distastefully.
‘Well, Celts or no Celts, sir, we shall prevail!’ said Sir Galahot.
‘Too right!’ said Sir Burnevere.
‘Yes,’ said Sir Blaze, ‘we can’t let anything stop us now.’
‘But thank you for the warning,’ Sir Charash added.
‘I knew that this news would not entice you to turn back,’ said the Puce Knight. ‘I shall journey with you to Castle Threadbare, and join you in your mission to save Princess Flame.’
‘You will?’ said Sir Hotbreath. ‘That’s jolly decent of you. I don’t think any of us expected…’
‘Do you not remember what I said the last time we met?’ said the Puce Knight. ‘The Knights of the Square Table have my respect, and - should they find themselves in need of it - they have my loyalty also. And now, I think, they do need it.’
‘We are very grateful, Puce Knight,’ said Sir Blaze, ‘for your warning and for your help. Now, let’s get moving, shall we?’
‘Lead the way, my friends,’ said the Puce Knight. ‘I won’t be far behind.’
‘He’s waving at us,’ said Sir Burnevere.
‘I think he’s trying to attract our attention,’ said Sir Galahot.
‘We don’t have time for distractions!’ said Flicker. ‘Come on, we have to get to Castle Threadbare!’
‘Wait a moment,’ said Sir Hotbreath, ‘that’s the Puce Knight! I wonder what he’s doing here.’
‘I think we should go down and find out what he wants,’ said Sir Charash.
‘He does seem very keen to talk to us,’ said Sir Loungelot. ‘I know it seems like just another delay, Flicker, but we really must go down - we might regret it later if we don’t.’
‘Very well, Milord,’ said Flicker. ‘You’re right, I suppose.’
The seven dragons curved in the air as they flew towards the ground. They landed in a circle around the mounted figure in puce armour.
‘Ah, the Knights of the Square Table,’ the familiar voice from behind the solid helmet said approvingly. ‘I have come to warn you that you are flying towards great peril.’
‘We already know that!’ said Flicker. ‘Flame’s the one who’s in great peril, and we’re going to rescue her!’
‘Acting with undue haste is invariably worse than failing to act at all,’ said the Puce Knight. ‘Forewarned is forearmed… and you, my hot-headed young friend, are neither.’
‘Flicker didn’t mean to speak with such disrespect,’ said Sir Hotbreath. ‘It’s just that he’s worried about Princess Flame… as are we all, of course.’
‘And so you should be,’ said the Puce Knight. ‘But if you had gone charging in to save her without first knowing what is waiting for you, you might have found yourselves at something of a disadvantage. Count Geoffrey has filled his castle with mercenaries, and they are ready and willing to do all they can to stop you rescuing Princess Flame.’
‘So,’ said Sir Galahot, ‘it seems that Geoffrey has realised that he needs more than two henchmen to put up a decent fight against a sizeable group of dragons - how tiresome that the penny should finally drop now!’
‘Mercenaries,’ Flicker said scathingly. ‘Seven dragons fighting to save their princess and their kingdom are worth more than an entire army of hired human soldiers!’
‘I hope with all my heart that you are right on that count,’ said the Puce Knight, ‘because your theory is about to be tested.’
‘What manner of mercenaries are these, exactly?’ asked Sir Burnevere.
‘Savage barbarians,’ said the Puce Knight, ‘from the border country, beyond the Vale of Evesham.’
‘You mean Celts,’ Sir Loungelot said distastefully.
‘Well, Celts or no Celts, sir, we shall prevail!’ said Sir Galahot.
‘Too right!’ said Sir Burnevere.
‘Yes,’ said Sir Blaze, ‘we can’t let anything stop us now.’
‘But thank you for the warning,’ Sir Charash added.
‘I knew that this news would not entice you to turn back,’ said the Puce Knight. ‘I shall journey with you to Castle Threadbare, and join you in your mission to save Princess Flame.’
‘You will?’ said Sir Hotbreath. ‘That’s jolly decent of you. I don’t think any of us expected…’
‘Do you not remember what I said the last time we met?’ said the Puce Knight. ‘The Knights of the Square Table have my respect, and - should they find themselves in need of it - they have my loyalty also. And now, I think, they do need it.’
‘We are very grateful, Puce Knight,’ said Sir Blaze, ‘for your warning and for your help. Now, let’s get moving, shall we?’
‘Lead the way, my friends,’ said the Puce Knight. ‘I won’t be far behind.’
‘All right,’ said Count Geoffrey, standing in Castle Threadbare’s antechamber with his hands on his hips, surrounded by large, hairy warriors all wearing fierce expressions. ‘So I got some Celts outside; some just inside the entrance; some at the entrance to the tower; some decoy Celts all round the place…’
He paused to wince as the sound of stonework falling in, punctuated with screams, filled the castle. Then, once the interruption was over, he carried on.
‘…and two right outside her door. Good, we’re all set to fight off those dragons and make them hand over Camelhot. Come on then, dragons! We’re ready for you! Heh-heh- what do you want?’ he asked irritably, as Evil Knight Number Three approached him with a worried look on his face. ‘You haven’t let her escape, have you?’
‘No, boss, she’s chained up real good,’ said Evil Knight Number Three. ‘I just thought you should know a dragon flew in through one of the upstairs windows.’
‘The windows!’ Geoffrey slapped his forehead. ‘I knew I’d forgotten something. Well, that’s okay - they can’t get up to the tower, right? Her only air hole is that little arrow slit. It’s not crumbling away or anything, is it?’
‘No,’ said Evil Knight Number Three. ‘The arrow slit is fine, and the dragon isn’t trying to rescue the Princess anyway. He says he wants to help us.’
‘He wants to…? Just who is this dragon, Number Three?’
‘I don’t know, I never saw him before.’
‘Grrr!’ said Count Geoffrey, his left eye twitching. ‘All right, you’d better bring him to see me.’
Evil Knight Number Three trotted off obediently, and returned almost at once with Evil Knight Number One and a large dragon. Both Evil Knights had their swords out, pointed at the dragon’s back.
‘Count Geoffrey, I presume,’ said the dragon. ‘Will you please tell your henchmen to put their swords away? I really have come to help.’
‘Not yet,’ said Geoffrey. ‘Who are you? What are you doing here?’
‘Well, I heard you’d captured the Princess of Camelhot. Those dragons are my enemies too, you see, and… what’s that saying? My enemy’s enemy is my friend?’
‘I caught him trying to fight the Celts to get in her room, dread Count Geoffrey,’ said Evil Knight Number One.
‘I wasn’t fighting them,’ said the dragon. ‘I just wanted to see for myself that you really had captured my despised cousin. I am Scorchred, King Allfire’s evil nephew.’
Count Geoffrey raised his eyebrows. ‘Are you now? All right, dragon, I’m listening.’
‘My uncle despises me,’ said Scorchred, ‘and I him. He has caused me much suffering over the years, and now I wish to pay him back. I can think of no better way to clear all debts than to deprive him of his only and beloved daughter.’
‘That’s not what this is,’ said Geoffrey. ‘He’s getting her back.’
‘Oh, yes… that’s right. Still, we can make him squirm, can’t we?’
‘Maybe. You’d better come along with me and we’ll discuss it.’
He paused to wince as the sound of stonework falling in, punctuated with screams, filled the castle. Then, once the interruption was over, he carried on.
‘…and two right outside her door. Good, we’re all set to fight off those dragons and make them hand over Camelhot. Come on then, dragons! We’re ready for you! Heh-heh- what do you want?’ he asked irritably, as Evil Knight Number Three approached him with a worried look on his face. ‘You haven’t let her escape, have you?’
‘No, boss, she’s chained up real good,’ said Evil Knight Number Three. ‘I just thought you should know a dragon flew in through one of the upstairs windows.’
‘The windows!’ Geoffrey slapped his forehead. ‘I knew I’d forgotten something. Well, that’s okay - they can’t get up to the tower, right? Her only air hole is that little arrow slit. It’s not crumbling away or anything, is it?’
‘No,’ said Evil Knight Number Three. ‘The arrow slit is fine, and the dragon isn’t trying to rescue the Princess anyway. He says he wants to help us.’
‘He wants to…? Just who is this dragon, Number Three?’
‘I don’t know, I never saw him before.’
‘Grrr!’ said Count Geoffrey, his left eye twitching. ‘All right, you’d better bring him to see me.’
Evil Knight Number Three trotted off obediently, and returned almost at once with Evil Knight Number One and a large dragon. Both Evil Knights had their swords out, pointed at the dragon’s back.
‘Count Geoffrey, I presume,’ said the dragon. ‘Will you please tell your henchmen to put their swords away? I really have come to help.’
‘Not yet,’ said Geoffrey. ‘Who are you? What are you doing here?’
‘Well, I heard you’d captured the Princess of Camelhot. Those dragons are my enemies too, you see, and… what’s that saying? My enemy’s enemy is my friend?’
‘I caught him trying to fight the Celts to get in her room, dread Count Geoffrey,’ said Evil Knight Number One.
‘I wasn’t fighting them,’ said the dragon. ‘I just wanted to see for myself that you really had captured my despised cousin. I am Scorchred, King Allfire’s evil nephew.’
Count Geoffrey raised his eyebrows. ‘Are you now? All right, dragon, I’m listening.’
‘My uncle despises me,’ said Scorchred, ‘and I him. He has caused me much suffering over the years, and now I wish to pay him back. I can think of no better way to clear all debts than to deprive him of his only and beloved daughter.’
‘That’s not what this is,’ said Geoffrey. ‘He’s getting her back.’
‘Oh, yes… that’s right. Still, we can make him squirm, can’t we?’
‘Maybe. You’d better come along with me and we’ll discuss it.’
‘Look,’ said Evil Knight Number One, ‘they’re coming.’
‘Aren’t there more of them than usual?’ said Evil Knight Number Three.
‘Um… yes, I think there are,’ said Evil Knight Number One. ‘But there’re more of us too! Even the dragons can’t defeat all those Celts… can they?’
‘I don’t know,’ said Evil Knight Number Three. ‘I sure hope not.’
‘Come on,’ said Evil Knight Number One, ‘we’d better tell Count Geoffrey.’
They ran down from the ramparts into the courtyard, where they found Count Geoffrey in conversation with Scorchred.
‘Forgive me if I’m being stupid, but I still don’t really see how we can help each other,’ said Count Geoffrey. ‘I’ve got Princess Flame, after all - why do I need you?’
‘I have a legitimate claim to the throne of Camelhot,’ said Scorchred. ‘I could be very useful to you, Count Geoffrey.’
‘But I don’t want you on the throne of Camelhot,’ said Count Geoffrey. ‘I want it for myself!’
‘Every successful usurper needs an embittered blood relative on his side,’ said Scorchred. ‘That’s a very basic but very important rule of this kind of warfare. Should anyone try to claim that you have no right to Camelhot, you can use my blood as a powerful weapon.’
‘Camelhot will be mine by right of conquest - I need no other right!’ Count Geoffrey snarled. ‘There’s nothing for you here, dragon, so why don’t you just… bah, what do you two want?’
‘Count Geoffrey, they’re coming!’ squeaked Evil Knight Number One.
‘All the Knights of the Square Table are on their way,’ Evil Knight Number Three elaborated. ‘They’ll be here in less than a minute!’
‘I knew they’d try to rescue their precious princess,’ said Count Geoffrey, ‘but they’re in for a nasty surprise. Rally the Celts!’
‘I’ll see to that,’ said Scorchred, rushing towards the nearest gaggle of mercenaries.
‘No, not you, Scorchred!’ Count Geoffrey called in annoyance.
‘Count Geoffrey, they’re here!’ Evil Knight Number One cried, pointing up at the large silhouette that had just flown over the castle wall.
‘Then get ready to fight, you cowards!’ said Count Geoffrey, drawing his sword. ‘Where are those Celts? Get over here and do what I’m paying you to do, you useless barbarians!’
Geoffrey was pleased to find himself surrounded by armoured warriors before the first dragon had landed in the courtyard. The throng of Celts was suddenly beset by several jets of flame from above, while the dragons on the ground attempted to break through their ranks with swords and brute
strength.
‘Count Geoffrey,’ said Evil Knight Number Three, ‘where did that rainbow come from?’
Geoffrey whirled around to see a very solid-looking rainbow arching over the wall of his castle. As he watched in astonishment, a puce-armoured horse clattered across the top of the rainbow as though it were a bridge, carrying its puce-armoured rider into the courtyard. Immediately, the Puce Knight began to lay about the Celts with his sword.
‘I see the dragons have recruited some outside help as well,’ said Count Geoffrey. ‘Well, it won’t do them any good - there are far too many Celts for them to handle!’
But even as Geoffrey spoke, Flicker forced his way through the last line of Celts and charged towards him with a murderous look in his eyes.
‘Where is she, Geoffrey?’ Flicker growled, brandishing his sword.
‘I might’ve known you’d turn up,’ Count Geoffrey sneered. ‘The lovesick little dragon, trying to save his princess… but you’re trying in vain, my friend.’
‘I assure you that I’ll be trying with everything I’ve got,’ said Flicker, ‘so I can’t be trying in vain, whatever the final outcome.’
‘They do say that love makes fools of everyone,’ said Geoffrey, ‘and now it seems that you are the biggest fool of all! Evil Knights, deal with him!’
Flicker lunged at Count Geoffrey, but found himself fighting Evil Knights Numbers One and Three instead. Keeping his head down, Geoffrey dashed through the throng of fighting Celts and dragons.
‘No one will take my prize,’ Geoffrey muttered to himself. ‘I won’t let them!’
He reached the door of Flame’s tower and charged through it, brushing the guards aside on his way.
‘Aren’t there more of them than usual?’ said Evil Knight Number Three.
‘Um… yes, I think there are,’ said Evil Knight Number One. ‘But there’re more of us too! Even the dragons can’t defeat all those Celts… can they?’
‘I don’t know,’ said Evil Knight Number Three. ‘I sure hope not.’
‘Come on,’ said Evil Knight Number One, ‘we’d better tell Count Geoffrey.’
They ran down from the ramparts into the courtyard, where they found Count Geoffrey in conversation with Scorchred.
‘Forgive me if I’m being stupid, but I still don’t really see how we can help each other,’ said Count Geoffrey. ‘I’ve got Princess Flame, after all - why do I need you?’
‘I have a legitimate claim to the throne of Camelhot,’ said Scorchred. ‘I could be very useful to you, Count Geoffrey.’
‘But I don’t want you on the throne of Camelhot,’ said Count Geoffrey. ‘I want it for myself!’
‘Every successful usurper needs an embittered blood relative on his side,’ said Scorchred. ‘That’s a very basic but very important rule of this kind of warfare. Should anyone try to claim that you have no right to Camelhot, you can use my blood as a powerful weapon.’
‘Camelhot will be mine by right of conquest - I need no other right!’ Count Geoffrey snarled. ‘There’s nothing for you here, dragon, so why don’t you just… bah, what do you two want?’
‘Count Geoffrey, they’re coming!’ squeaked Evil Knight Number One.
‘All the Knights of the Square Table are on their way,’ Evil Knight Number Three elaborated. ‘They’ll be here in less than a minute!’
‘I knew they’d try to rescue their precious princess,’ said Count Geoffrey, ‘but they’re in for a nasty surprise. Rally the Celts!’
‘I’ll see to that,’ said Scorchred, rushing towards the nearest gaggle of mercenaries.
‘No, not you, Scorchred!’ Count Geoffrey called in annoyance.
‘Count Geoffrey, they’re here!’ Evil Knight Number One cried, pointing up at the large silhouette that had just flown over the castle wall.
‘Then get ready to fight, you cowards!’ said Count Geoffrey, drawing his sword. ‘Where are those Celts? Get over here and do what I’m paying you to do, you useless barbarians!’
Geoffrey was pleased to find himself surrounded by armoured warriors before the first dragon had landed in the courtyard. The throng of Celts was suddenly beset by several jets of flame from above, while the dragons on the ground attempted to break through their ranks with swords and brute
strength.
‘Count Geoffrey,’ said Evil Knight Number Three, ‘where did that rainbow come from?’
Geoffrey whirled around to see a very solid-looking rainbow arching over the wall of his castle. As he watched in astonishment, a puce-armoured horse clattered across the top of the rainbow as though it were a bridge, carrying its puce-armoured rider into the courtyard. Immediately, the Puce Knight began to lay about the Celts with his sword.
‘I see the dragons have recruited some outside help as well,’ said Count Geoffrey. ‘Well, it won’t do them any good - there are far too many Celts for them to handle!’
But even as Geoffrey spoke, Flicker forced his way through the last line of Celts and charged towards him with a murderous look in his eyes.
‘Where is she, Geoffrey?’ Flicker growled, brandishing his sword.
‘I might’ve known you’d turn up,’ Count Geoffrey sneered. ‘The lovesick little dragon, trying to save his princess… but you’re trying in vain, my friend.’
‘I assure you that I’ll be trying with everything I’ve got,’ said Flicker, ‘so I can’t be trying in vain, whatever the final outcome.’
‘They do say that love makes fools of everyone,’ said Geoffrey, ‘and now it seems that you are the biggest fool of all! Evil Knights, deal with him!’
Flicker lunged at Count Geoffrey, but found himself fighting Evil Knights Numbers One and Three instead. Keeping his head down, Geoffrey dashed through the throng of fighting Celts and dragons.
‘No one will take my prize,’ Geoffrey muttered to himself. ‘I won’t let them!’
He reached the door of Flame’s tower and charged through it, brushing the guards aside on his way.
Flame sat hunched up by the wall, frustrated to find that she had not the strength even to struggle against her chains. She managed to move her head feebly, but stopped when she heard sounds coming from outside the door: a struggle involving a lot of shouting in Welsh accents, then a key turning in the lock. The door opened; a sliver of light illuminated the darkened room, and Flame’s eyes widened in surprise and alarm when she saw who her visitor was. Scorchred crossed the room, crouched down in front of her and wrenched the chains from her muzzle.
‘Hello, Flame,’ he said.
‘Scorchred,’ said Flame, with less venom and more of a slur than she would have liked. ‘What are you doing here? You don’t know Count Geoffrey, do you?’
‘Well, I do now. Clingy little man, isn’t he? He didn’t want to let me out of his sight, but then your friends started to arrive, and… well, here I am.’
‘Yes,’ said Flame. ‘Here you are. Now what do you want?’
‘You know what I want, Flame.’ Scorchred remained crouching in front of her all the time he spoke. ‘I want Camelhot, just like Count Geoffrey does. When his men caught me I told him I was here to help him, but that was a lie. I really can’t do that. If I help prevent your rescue and persuade dear Uncle Allfire to hand over his castle, Geoffrey will move in with his Evil Knights, and then where does that leave me? I’ll have no claim without an uncle on the throne. No, you see, a better option would be for me to kill you right now so that Geoffrey has to back out of his little swap, and possibly
get killed by your father or your favourite boy. Then I could wait to inherit the throne, or even better, I could go and take it by force this very afternoon. Maybe I could persuade a few of those Celts to join me, if I promise them a little something from the royal fortune.
‘But of course,’ Scorchred went on, rising to his full height, ‘we could save ourselves the bother. I could take you out of here right now - kick in that arrow slit, maybe - and take you home to Daddy. That’s not a bad idea, is it? Yes, I could do that. If…’
Flame’s eyes lost some of their dazed look, and narrowed. ‘If what?’
‘If you marry me.’
‘Never!’ At last Flame was able to struggle in her chains, but to no avail.
‘Pity,’ said Scorchred. ‘It would have saved me a lot of bother. As long as I was the undisputed heir - or married to her, which amounts to the same thing - I wouldn’t have minded waiting. But as it is…’
Suddenly Scorchred’s eyes glowed with malice. He drew his sword and held it out towards Flame, who shrank back as much as she could before emitting a jet of fire at her evil cousin. Scorchred sidestepped it, threw himself down at Flame’s side and clamped her jaws shut with both hands. Then he wrapped one arm around her muzzle and groped for her discarded chains with his free hand.
‘Nice try, Princess,’ he said, as he chained her mouth shut again, barely hampered by Flame’s struggles and the thin tongues of flame snaking from between her jaws. ‘But you really can’t fight me all chained up like that.’
He got to his feet, so that he towered over her, and again raised his sword. Just as he did so, Count Geoffrey came running into the room looking harangued, and skidded to a halt some feet from the two dragons.
‘Scorchred!’ he said. ‘I’d forgotten about you. What do you think you’re doing? I need her alive, you idiot!’
‘Oh yes?’ Scorchred lowered his sword and stalked over to Geoffrey. ‘Well, I don’t.’
‘What is this?’ said Geoffrey. ‘Wait a minute - did you kill those two guards? Just who in blue blazes are you, anyway?’
‘I am exactly who I said I was.’
‘All right, that makes sense, if you came here to double-cross me. But how did you know…? Wait a minute - I’ve heard your name before! A while ago… Merle mentioned you. She sent you, didn’t she? That traitorous old hag!’
Geoffrey reached for his sword, but Scorchred was too quick for him. He raised his own sword and hit Geoffrey on the head with the flat of the blade. The evil count swayed on the spot, then fell on his face. Scorchred stooped down and lifted Geoffrey’s chin, taking a mere moment to check for signs
of life. Seeing none, he let the count’s head drop back onto the stone floor, and gave a malicious chuckle.
‘Merle was right,’ he said, sneering down at Geoffrey’s prostrate form. ‘None of those Celts are up to much, and nor is their paymaster. Now then.’ He turned back towards Princess Flame. ‘I’m sorry to do this, Flame, but if you’re going to be stubborn… Tell you what, though, I’ll do you a little favour. As soon as I’ve cut your pretty little head off, I’ll find your servant boyfriend and send him to join you.’
As Scorchred advanced with sword raised, Flame’s eyes widened in alarm. She summoned all of the strength she had left and struggled as hard as she could, screaming wordless protests through the chains that bound her mouth.
‘Hello, Flame,’ he said.
‘Scorchred,’ said Flame, with less venom and more of a slur than she would have liked. ‘What are you doing here? You don’t know Count Geoffrey, do you?’
‘Well, I do now. Clingy little man, isn’t he? He didn’t want to let me out of his sight, but then your friends started to arrive, and… well, here I am.’
‘Yes,’ said Flame. ‘Here you are. Now what do you want?’
‘You know what I want, Flame.’ Scorchred remained crouching in front of her all the time he spoke. ‘I want Camelhot, just like Count Geoffrey does. When his men caught me I told him I was here to help him, but that was a lie. I really can’t do that. If I help prevent your rescue and persuade dear Uncle Allfire to hand over his castle, Geoffrey will move in with his Evil Knights, and then where does that leave me? I’ll have no claim without an uncle on the throne. No, you see, a better option would be for me to kill you right now so that Geoffrey has to back out of his little swap, and possibly
get killed by your father or your favourite boy. Then I could wait to inherit the throne, or even better, I could go and take it by force this very afternoon. Maybe I could persuade a few of those Celts to join me, if I promise them a little something from the royal fortune.
‘But of course,’ Scorchred went on, rising to his full height, ‘we could save ourselves the bother. I could take you out of here right now - kick in that arrow slit, maybe - and take you home to Daddy. That’s not a bad idea, is it? Yes, I could do that. If…’
Flame’s eyes lost some of their dazed look, and narrowed. ‘If what?’
‘If you marry me.’
‘Never!’ At last Flame was able to struggle in her chains, but to no avail.
‘Pity,’ said Scorchred. ‘It would have saved me a lot of bother. As long as I was the undisputed heir - or married to her, which amounts to the same thing - I wouldn’t have minded waiting. But as it is…’
Suddenly Scorchred’s eyes glowed with malice. He drew his sword and held it out towards Flame, who shrank back as much as she could before emitting a jet of fire at her evil cousin. Scorchred sidestepped it, threw himself down at Flame’s side and clamped her jaws shut with both hands. Then he wrapped one arm around her muzzle and groped for her discarded chains with his free hand.
‘Nice try, Princess,’ he said, as he chained her mouth shut again, barely hampered by Flame’s struggles and the thin tongues of flame snaking from between her jaws. ‘But you really can’t fight me all chained up like that.’
He got to his feet, so that he towered over her, and again raised his sword. Just as he did so, Count Geoffrey came running into the room looking harangued, and skidded to a halt some feet from the two dragons.
‘Scorchred!’ he said. ‘I’d forgotten about you. What do you think you’re doing? I need her alive, you idiot!’
‘Oh yes?’ Scorchred lowered his sword and stalked over to Geoffrey. ‘Well, I don’t.’
‘What is this?’ said Geoffrey. ‘Wait a minute - did you kill those two guards? Just who in blue blazes are you, anyway?’
‘I am exactly who I said I was.’
‘All right, that makes sense, if you came here to double-cross me. But how did you know…? Wait a minute - I’ve heard your name before! A while ago… Merle mentioned you. She sent you, didn’t she? That traitorous old hag!’
Geoffrey reached for his sword, but Scorchred was too quick for him. He raised his own sword and hit Geoffrey on the head with the flat of the blade. The evil count swayed on the spot, then fell on his face. Scorchred stooped down and lifted Geoffrey’s chin, taking a mere moment to check for signs
of life. Seeing none, he let the count’s head drop back onto the stone floor, and gave a malicious chuckle.
‘Merle was right,’ he said, sneering down at Geoffrey’s prostrate form. ‘None of those Celts are up to much, and nor is their paymaster. Now then.’ He turned back towards Princess Flame. ‘I’m sorry to do this, Flame, but if you’re going to be stubborn… Tell you what, though, I’ll do you a little favour. As soon as I’ve cut your pretty little head off, I’ll find your servant boyfriend and send him to join you.’
As Scorchred advanced with sword raised, Flame’s eyes widened in alarm. She summoned all of the strength she had left and struggled as hard as she could, screaming wordless protests through the chains that bound her mouth.
‘Milord!’ Flicker yelled, bursting out of a group of Celts to stand beside Sir Loungelot. ‘Count Geoffrey went into that tower - he must be holding Flame there!’
‘Yes,’ said Sir Loungelot, ‘I saw him too. Shall we make a run for it, Flicker? I’m sure the others can finish off these savages without us.’
‘Especially with the Puce Knight to help them - he seems to be everywhere at once!’ said Flicker. ‘Yes, we have to save Flame, and we have to do it now - Geoffrey could be doing anything to her up there!’
‘He won’t harm her, Flicker,’ said Sir Loungelot. ‘She’s much too valuable to him. Come on, follow me.’
Sir Loungelot and Flicker fought their way through to the tower, each knocking out a guard as they burst through the door. Flicker slammed it shut behind them, just as Sir Loungelot spotted a large bolt. He slammed the metal bar home, locking them in.
‘There,’ he said, ‘that should stop any of those barbarians following us.’
‘So now it’s just us and Count Geoffrey,’ said Flicker, mounting the staircase at a run.
‘Yes,’ said Sir Loungelot, hurrying up behind him, ‘with any luck.’
Flicker stopped abruptly when he found himself about to trip over a pair of Celts just outside the tower room door.
‘Why are these two dead?’ he asked.
‘Eww, are they?’ said Loungelot. ‘Maybe they’re just unconscious.’
‘But why…?’
Flicker took a moment to puzzle over this. Then Flame’s screams, muffled by chains though they were, reached his ears. He came to his senses, leapt over both Celts and burst into the room. He was not prepared for the sight that met his eyes. He glanced down at Count Geoffrey, either dead or unconscious, and then looked up at the dragon standing over Flame with his sword raised.
‘What the…?’ said Flicker.
Scorchred stopped what he was doing and turned round.
‘Oh,’ said Flicker. ‘It’s you.’
‘Flicker!’ said Scorchred. ‘Brilliant! Now I can force Flame to watch you die before I kill her.’
Eyes glinting madly, he advanced on Flicker, who drew his sword and went straight into the attack. Scorchred at once parried the blow, and retaliated with a lunge at Flicker’s throat. Within moments, Loungelot had drawn his own sword and joined the fight.
‘Wait!’ said Scorchred, and all three paused, swords raised. ‘This is not chivalrous, men! Surely there’s some rule in your Code of Chivalry about even battle ratios.’
‘He’s right, Milord,’ said Flicker. ‘There is. We can’t both fight him.’
‘I’ll do it, then,’ said Loungelot. ‘You unchain the Princess and get her out of here. And you, Scorchred, you diseased rat’s chamber pot! Prepare to die!’
Loungelot lunged forward, laying into his opponent, while Flicker sheathed his sword. He turned, threw himself down beside Flame and removed the chains from her mouth, much more gently than Scorchred had done earlier.
‘Where have you been?’ she demanded, rather sleepily.
‘I’m sorry, Flame,’ said Flicker, setting to work on the chains around her wings. ‘We didn’t know you’d been kidnapped until the ransom note came, and we certainly didn’t know your evil cousin Scorchred would be here trying to kill you. Are you all right? You sound really groggy.’
‘They hit me on the head,’ she said pathetically.
‘What? The despicable cads! Have they no honour?’
‘Obviously not.’
‘No, of course not,’ said Flicker, who had begun looking for some end to the chains around her arms so that he could begin to unravel them, while Loungelot and Scorchred’s swords clashed noisily behind him.
‘Flicker… I’m sorry…’
‘Don’t be sorry for anything. We can discuss all that later if you like, but right now we need to get you home.’
As he finished speaking, there came a heavy clunk behind him. Flame raised her eyes, and Flicker looked round to see Sir Loungelot standing with one foot on Scorchred’s prostrate form.
‘Well,’ said Loungelot, stepping over his floored foe, ‘that takes care of him. Now, let’s see about these chains. A bit fiddly, are they, Flicker?’
‘Well done, Sir Loungelot,’ said Flame, as the knight knelt down and joined in the effort to free her. ‘You really did save the day that time, didn’t you?’ She was unable to keep the note of disappointment from her voice.
‘I helped, certainly,’ said Loungelot. ‘Well, I don’t know! Say what you like about Geoffrey’s Evil Knights, but their chaining of prisoners skills are first - aah!’
Flicker and Flame both looked up in alarm as Loungelot was suddenly whisked away and hurled across the room, where he landed on Count
Geoffrey. This woke Geoffrey up at once.
‘Oof!’ he said, freeing one arm to rub his head. ‘What on earth is going on here?’
‘Don’t move, Count Geoffrey!’ said Loungelot, his massive bulk obscuring all but Geoffrey’s head and arm. ‘You’re coming with me… in a minute.’
So saying, Loungelot’s gaze shot over to the other three dragons. Scorchred now had Flicker pinned under his right foot, and was hauling Flame to her feet by the chains still binding her.
‘All right!’ said Scorchred, steam issuing from his mouth and nostrils. ‘Her first!’
Loungelot reached for his sword, then saw to his horror that Scorchred had taken it from him, and was wielding it as well as his own.
‘Eek!’ said Loungelot, scrambling into a kneeling position and then hauling Geoffrey up by the front of his tunic. ‘Geoffrey, we’re going to have to team up to defeat a common enemy! It’s not in your interests to have the Princess dead, is it?’
‘Well,’ Geoffrey began, but he was cut off by a howl of pain. In perfect unison, he and Loungelot swivelled their heads to see Scorchred reeling backwards across the room, looking as though he might fall at any moment, his right foot half severed.
‘Nasty,’ said Loungelot, wincing.
Flicker was on his feet, his sword in front of him, advancing on Scorchred with a most uncharacteristic look of fury.
‘No one touches my princess and lives!’ he said.
‘You jolly nearly cut off my foot, you little whelp!’ wailed Scorchred. ‘I’ll get you for that!’
While Flame fought frantically against the loosened chains, Scorchred lunged at Flicker with both swords, almost toppling over but somehow staying upright. Flicker dodged the blow, stepped nimbly backwards and pulled Count Geoffrey’s sword from its sheath with a screech of metal. Then, as
Scorchred lunged and faltered on his injured foot with a yelp of pain, Flicker made his move. His two blades flashed in the shaft of light from the arrow
slit; there was a sound like a knife through a melon, and then a thud. Flicker stepped back and surveyed his handiwork, quite out of breath.
‘Flicker!’ said Loungelot, still holding onto Geoffrey. ‘You did it!’
‘I did, didn’t I?’ said Flicker.
‘I didn’t know you had it in you,’ said Geoffrey. ‘I’ve never once seen you even try to kill an enemy.’
‘Don’t be stupid, Count Geoffrey,’ said Flicker, dropping Geoffrey’s sword and sheathing his own. ‘There’s nothing in the Code of Chivalry about not killing people who deserve it to save your own life… or, more importantly, someone else’s.’
With that, Flicker turned and once again threw himself down at Flame’s side. She had managed to loosen her chains, and it was easy enough for Flicker to unravel them.
‘Flicker!’ she said. ‘You saved my life!’
‘And I caught Count Geoffrey!’ said Loungelot.
‘Quite so,’ said Flicker, as the last of the chains fell to the ground with a clunk. ‘And now we’d better get you both back to Camelhot. Here, Flame, lean on me.’
She swayed as he helped her to her feet, but managed to put her arms around his shoulders and stay upright. He held onto her waist as they made their way slowly from the room behind Loungelot, who was carrying Count Geoffrey over his shoulder. Though he looked angry Geoffrey was, at least for the moment, quiet and resigned.
‘Yes,’ said Sir Loungelot, ‘I saw him too. Shall we make a run for it, Flicker? I’m sure the others can finish off these savages without us.’
‘Especially with the Puce Knight to help them - he seems to be everywhere at once!’ said Flicker. ‘Yes, we have to save Flame, and we have to do it now - Geoffrey could be doing anything to her up there!’
‘He won’t harm her, Flicker,’ said Sir Loungelot. ‘She’s much too valuable to him. Come on, follow me.’
Sir Loungelot and Flicker fought their way through to the tower, each knocking out a guard as they burst through the door. Flicker slammed it shut behind them, just as Sir Loungelot spotted a large bolt. He slammed the metal bar home, locking them in.
‘There,’ he said, ‘that should stop any of those barbarians following us.’
‘So now it’s just us and Count Geoffrey,’ said Flicker, mounting the staircase at a run.
‘Yes,’ said Sir Loungelot, hurrying up behind him, ‘with any luck.’
Flicker stopped abruptly when he found himself about to trip over a pair of Celts just outside the tower room door.
‘Why are these two dead?’ he asked.
‘Eww, are they?’ said Loungelot. ‘Maybe they’re just unconscious.’
‘But why…?’
Flicker took a moment to puzzle over this. Then Flame’s screams, muffled by chains though they were, reached his ears. He came to his senses, leapt over both Celts and burst into the room. He was not prepared for the sight that met his eyes. He glanced down at Count Geoffrey, either dead or unconscious, and then looked up at the dragon standing over Flame with his sword raised.
‘What the…?’ said Flicker.
Scorchred stopped what he was doing and turned round.
‘Oh,’ said Flicker. ‘It’s you.’
‘Flicker!’ said Scorchred. ‘Brilliant! Now I can force Flame to watch you die before I kill her.’
Eyes glinting madly, he advanced on Flicker, who drew his sword and went straight into the attack. Scorchred at once parried the blow, and retaliated with a lunge at Flicker’s throat. Within moments, Loungelot had drawn his own sword and joined the fight.
‘Wait!’ said Scorchred, and all three paused, swords raised. ‘This is not chivalrous, men! Surely there’s some rule in your Code of Chivalry about even battle ratios.’
‘He’s right, Milord,’ said Flicker. ‘There is. We can’t both fight him.’
‘I’ll do it, then,’ said Loungelot. ‘You unchain the Princess and get her out of here. And you, Scorchred, you diseased rat’s chamber pot! Prepare to die!’
Loungelot lunged forward, laying into his opponent, while Flicker sheathed his sword. He turned, threw himself down beside Flame and removed the chains from her mouth, much more gently than Scorchred had done earlier.
‘Where have you been?’ she demanded, rather sleepily.
‘I’m sorry, Flame,’ said Flicker, setting to work on the chains around her wings. ‘We didn’t know you’d been kidnapped until the ransom note came, and we certainly didn’t know your evil cousin Scorchred would be here trying to kill you. Are you all right? You sound really groggy.’
‘They hit me on the head,’ she said pathetically.
‘What? The despicable cads! Have they no honour?’
‘Obviously not.’
‘No, of course not,’ said Flicker, who had begun looking for some end to the chains around her arms so that he could begin to unravel them, while Loungelot and Scorchred’s swords clashed noisily behind him.
‘Flicker… I’m sorry…’
‘Don’t be sorry for anything. We can discuss all that later if you like, but right now we need to get you home.’
As he finished speaking, there came a heavy clunk behind him. Flame raised her eyes, and Flicker looked round to see Sir Loungelot standing with one foot on Scorchred’s prostrate form.
‘Well,’ said Loungelot, stepping over his floored foe, ‘that takes care of him. Now, let’s see about these chains. A bit fiddly, are they, Flicker?’
‘Well done, Sir Loungelot,’ said Flame, as the knight knelt down and joined in the effort to free her. ‘You really did save the day that time, didn’t you?’ She was unable to keep the note of disappointment from her voice.
‘I helped, certainly,’ said Loungelot. ‘Well, I don’t know! Say what you like about Geoffrey’s Evil Knights, but their chaining of prisoners skills are first - aah!’
Flicker and Flame both looked up in alarm as Loungelot was suddenly whisked away and hurled across the room, where he landed on Count
Geoffrey. This woke Geoffrey up at once.
‘Oof!’ he said, freeing one arm to rub his head. ‘What on earth is going on here?’
‘Don’t move, Count Geoffrey!’ said Loungelot, his massive bulk obscuring all but Geoffrey’s head and arm. ‘You’re coming with me… in a minute.’
So saying, Loungelot’s gaze shot over to the other three dragons. Scorchred now had Flicker pinned under his right foot, and was hauling Flame to her feet by the chains still binding her.
‘All right!’ said Scorchred, steam issuing from his mouth and nostrils. ‘Her first!’
Loungelot reached for his sword, then saw to his horror that Scorchred had taken it from him, and was wielding it as well as his own.
‘Eek!’ said Loungelot, scrambling into a kneeling position and then hauling Geoffrey up by the front of his tunic. ‘Geoffrey, we’re going to have to team up to defeat a common enemy! It’s not in your interests to have the Princess dead, is it?’
‘Well,’ Geoffrey began, but he was cut off by a howl of pain. In perfect unison, he and Loungelot swivelled their heads to see Scorchred reeling backwards across the room, looking as though he might fall at any moment, his right foot half severed.
‘Nasty,’ said Loungelot, wincing.
Flicker was on his feet, his sword in front of him, advancing on Scorchred with a most uncharacteristic look of fury.
‘No one touches my princess and lives!’ he said.
‘You jolly nearly cut off my foot, you little whelp!’ wailed Scorchred. ‘I’ll get you for that!’
While Flame fought frantically against the loosened chains, Scorchred lunged at Flicker with both swords, almost toppling over but somehow staying upright. Flicker dodged the blow, stepped nimbly backwards and pulled Count Geoffrey’s sword from its sheath with a screech of metal. Then, as
Scorchred lunged and faltered on his injured foot with a yelp of pain, Flicker made his move. His two blades flashed in the shaft of light from the arrow
slit; there was a sound like a knife through a melon, and then a thud. Flicker stepped back and surveyed his handiwork, quite out of breath.
‘Flicker!’ said Loungelot, still holding onto Geoffrey. ‘You did it!’
‘I did, didn’t I?’ said Flicker.
‘I didn’t know you had it in you,’ said Geoffrey. ‘I’ve never once seen you even try to kill an enemy.’
‘Don’t be stupid, Count Geoffrey,’ said Flicker, dropping Geoffrey’s sword and sheathing his own. ‘There’s nothing in the Code of Chivalry about not killing people who deserve it to save your own life… or, more importantly, someone else’s.’
With that, Flicker turned and once again threw himself down at Flame’s side. She had managed to loosen her chains, and it was easy enough for Flicker to unravel them.
‘Flicker!’ she said. ‘You saved my life!’
‘And I caught Count Geoffrey!’ said Loungelot.
‘Quite so,’ said Flicker, as the last of the chains fell to the ground with a clunk. ‘And now we’d better get you both back to Camelhot. Here, Flame, lean on me.’
She swayed as he helped her to her feet, but managed to put her arms around his shoulders and stay upright. He held onto her waist as they made their way slowly from the room behind Loungelot, who was carrying Count Geoffrey over his shoulder. Though he looked angry Geoffrey was, at least for the moment, quiet and resigned.
Sir Loungelot unbolted the tower door and led the way back out into the courtyard; Flicker followed, taking most of Flame’s weight. They were pleased to see that the scene was far less hectic than when they had left it. Three trussed figures stood nearby, looking very sorry for themselves. Each one was being held by a dragon. Sir Blaze had a firm grip on Evil Knight Number One, while Sir Burnevere was looking after Evil Knight Number Three. Sir Galahot was restraining a third human figure, while Sir Hotbreath, Sir Charash and the Puce Knight were chasing the last few Celts across the drawbridge.
‘Loungey,’ called Sir Blaze, ‘you did it! Or, er… did you do it, Flicker?’
‘We both did it,’ said Flicker. ‘Sir Loungelot captured Count Geoffrey.’
‘And Flicker rescued Princess Flame,’ said Sir Loungelot. ‘You won’t hear me trying to take credit for that one.’
‘The Celts will menace us no longer, my friends,’ said the Puce Knight, as he, Sir Hotbreath and Sir Charash came to join the throng. ‘We are victorious.’
‘Then I suggest, sirs, that we take these prisoners back to Camelhot with all haste,’ said Sir Galahot.
‘Yes, and Flame needs to have a good, long rest,’ said Flicker. ‘By the way, Sir Galahot, speaking of prisoners, who’s yours?’
‘I have captured the Evil Spy, sir!’ Sir Galahot said proudly. ‘He was disguised as a Celt.’
‘How do you know he’s not a real Celt?’ asked Sir Loungelot.
‘When I attacked him, none of the other Celts ran to his aid,’ said Sir Galahot, ‘so I knew it must be him! Anyway, he admits it. Listen. Are you a spy, sir?’
‘Yes,’ croaked Galahot’s prisoner, ‘I am a spy.’
‘You see!’ said Sir Galahot.
‘Ah, well done, Sir Galahot,’ said Sir Loungelot. ‘Come then, my friends - let’s go home.’
‘Are we flying or walking?’ asked Sir Charash.
‘We’d better walk, hadn’t we?’ said Sir Blaze. ‘Four airborne prisoners would be rather heavy, wouldn’t they?’
‘Aye,’ said Sir Burnevere, ‘it will be a victory march!’
‘In that case,’ said Sir Charash, ‘I volunteer to fly back to Camelhot with all speed, and inform King Allfire of the complete success of our mission.’
‘Yes, of course, he’ll want to know as soon as possible, won’t he?’ said Sir Blaze. ‘You really are a marvel, Charash - you think of everything, don’t you?’
‘Oh, I just tell it how I see it,’ said Sir Charash, blushing slightly.
As Charash took off and flew back towards Camelhot at top speed, the rest of the knights formed a procession.
‘Flicker, I think we’d better find or construct some sort of stretcher to carry Princess Flame,’ Sir Loungelot said gently.
‘Thank you, Milord, but I’ll carry her myself,’ said Flicker.
‘I have a suggestion,’ said the Puce Knight. ‘Allow me to carry the Princess - I am, after all, the only one with a mount.’
‘I’d sooner take her myself,’ said Flicker, ‘thanks all the same.’
‘Very well, then,’ said the Puce Knight, and he leapt down from his horse. ‘You can borrow my horse, and I’ll walk.’
The Puce Knight helped Flicker to climb into the saddle, and Sir Loungelot and Sir Blaze carefully lifted Flame up to join him. The procession left Castle Threadbare with Flicker and Flame at its head, and Sir Loungelot bringing up the rear with Count Geoffrey still slung over one shoulder.
‘Loungey,’ called Sir Blaze, ‘you did it! Or, er… did you do it, Flicker?’
‘We both did it,’ said Flicker. ‘Sir Loungelot captured Count Geoffrey.’
‘And Flicker rescued Princess Flame,’ said Sir Loungelot. ‘You won’t hear me trying to take credit for that one.’
‘The Celts will menace us no longer, my friends,’ said the Puce Knight, as he, Sir Hotbreath and Sir Charash came to join the throng. ‘We are victorious.’
‘Then I suggest, sirs, that we take these prisoners back to Camelhot with all haste,’ said Sir Galahot.
‘Yes, and Flame needs to have a good, long rest,’ said Flicker. ‘By the way, Sir Galahot, speaking of prisoners, who’s yours?’
‘I have captured the Evil Spy, sir!’ Sir Galahot said proudly. ‘He was disguised as a Celt.’
‘How do you know he’s not a real Celt?’ asked Sir Loungelot.
‘When I attacked him, none of the other Celts ran to his aid,’ said Sir Galahot, ‘so I knew it must be him! Anyway, he admits it. Listen. Are you a spy, sir?’
‘Yes,’ croaked Galahot’s prisoner, ‘I am a spy.’
‘You see!’ said Sir Galahot.
‘Ah, well done, Sir Galahot,’ said Sir Loungelot. ‘Come then, my friends - let’s go home.’
‘Are we flying or walking?’ asked Sir Charash.
‘We’d better walk, hadn’t we?’ said Sir Blaze. ‘Four airborne prisoners would be rather heavy, wouldn’t they?’
‘Aye,’ said Sir Burnevere, ‘it will be a victory march!’
‘In that case,’ said Sir Charash, ‘I volunteer to fly back to Camelhot with all speed, and inform King Allfire of the complete success of our mission.’
‘Yes, of course, he’ll want to know as soon as possible, won’t he?’ said Sir Blaze. ‘You really are a marvel, Charash - you think of everything, don’t you?’
‘Oh, I just tell it how I see it,’ said Sir Charash, blushing slightly.
As Charash took off and flew back towards Camelhot at top speed, the rest of the knights formed a procession.
‘Flicker, I think we’d better find or construct some sort of stretcher to carry Princess Flame,’ Sir Loungelot said gently.
‘Thank you, Milord, but I’ll carry her myself,’ said Flicker.
‘I have a suggestion,’ said the Puce Knight. ‘Allow me to carry the Princess - I am, after all, the only one with a mount.’
‘I’d sooner take her myself,’ said Flicker, ‘thanks all the same.’
‘Very well, then,’ said the Puce Knight, and he leapt down from his horse. ‘You can borrow my horse, and I’ll walk.’
The Puce Knight helped Flicker to climb into the saddle, and Sir Loungelot and Sir Blaze carefully lifted Flame up to join him. The procession left Castle Threadbare with Flicker and Flame at its head, and Sir Loungelot bringing up the rear with Count Geoffrey still slung over one shoulder.
Evil Knight Number Two looked up in surprise as his cell door swung open and four human figures were shoved inside.
‘We thought you might be getting lonely,’ Sir Burnevere’s voice emerged from the darkness beyond the cell, ‘so here are some playmates for you.’
‘We hope you all enjoy each other’s company,’ added Sir Hotbreath, ‘because you’re going to be in there for a long time!’
‘Come back!’ Count Geoffrey shouted, finding his voice again at last. ‘Come back and let me out, you stupid dragons! No cell can hold me, do you hear? I shall escape someday, and take my revenge on you all!’
‘They’ve gone, Count Geoffrey,’ said Evil Knight Number One.
‘Wow, I can’t believe you’re all here,’ said Evil Knight Number Two. ‘I’ve missed you all so much, and now we’re back together again.’
‘Yes, but we’re prisoners!’ Count Geoffrey fumed. ‘Merle! Merle, where are you? Come and get us out of this right now, you stupid witch!’
‘Merle’s not going to help us, Count Geoffrey,’ said Evil Knight Number Three. ‘Not now, and not ever. But didn’t you say that you were glad to see the last of her?’
‘Yeah,’ said the Evil Spy, ‘and you always wanted to live in Camelhot, didn’t you? Well, now you do.’
‘But I didn’t want to live in the dungeon,’ Count Geoffrey wailed, ‘especially not with you four dunderheads for company!’
‘Well, I think this is wonderful,’ said Evil Knight Number Two. ‘We’re all back together again.’
‘Yeah,’ said Evil Knight Number One, ‘and as long as we’re together, what else really matters?’
‘I don’t know about you guys,’ said Evil Knight Number Three, ‘but I’ve started to feel an inner peace that I’ve never felt before, and I like that feeling a lot.’
‘Yeah, me too,’ said the Evil Spy.
‘And me,’ said Evil Knight Number One.
‘And me,’ said Evil Knight Number Two.
‘No, no, no, no, no!’ Count Geoffrey wept, sinking to his knees. ‘This can’t be happening! This is the worst day of my life!’
As the three Evil Knights and the Evil Spy moved in for a group hug, Count Geoffrey buried his face in his hands and cried noisily.
‘We thought you might be getting lonely,’ Sir Burnevere’s voice emerged from the darkness beyond the cell, ‘so here are some playmates for you.’
‘We hope you all enjoy each other’s company,’ added Sir Hotbreath, ‘because you’re going to be in there for a long time!’
‘Come back!’ Count Geoffrey shouted, finding his voice again at last. ‘Come back and let me out, you stupid dragons! No cell can hold me, do you hear? I shall escape someday, and take my revenge on you all!’
‘They’ve gone, Count Geoffrey,’ said Evil Knight Number One.
‘Wow, I can’t believe you’re all here,’ said Evil Knight Number Two. ‘I’ve missed you all so much, and now we’re back together again.’
‘Yes, but we’re prisoners!’ Count Geoffrey fumed. ‘Merle! Merle, where are you? Come and get us out of this right now, you stupid witch!’
‘Merle’s not going to help us, Count Geoffrey,’ said Evil Knight Number Three. ‘Not now, and not ever. But didn’t you say that you were glad to see the last of her?’
‘Yeah,’ said the Evil Spy, ‘and you always wanted to live in Camelhot, didn’t you? Well, now you do.’
‘But I didn’t want to live in the dungeon,’ Count Geoffrey wailed, ‘especially not with you four dunderheads for company!’
‘Well, I think this is wonderful,’ said Evil Knight Number Two. ‘We’re all back together again.’
‘Yeah,’ said Evil Knight Number One, ‘and as long as we’re together, what else really matters?’
‘I don’t know about you guys,’ said Evil Knight Number Three, ‘but I’ve started to feel an inner peace that I’ve never felt before, and I like that feeling a lot.’
‘Yeah, me too,’ said the Evil Spy.
‘And me,’ said Evil Knight Number One.
‘And me,’ said Evil Knight Number Two.
‘No, no, no, no, no!’ Count Geoffrey wept, sinking to his knees. ‘This can’t be happening! This is the worst day of my life!’
As the three Evil Knights and the Evil Spy moved in for a group hug, Count Geoffrey buried his face in his hands and cried noisily.
Flame was overwhelmed by the volume of people who had gathered in the throne room to witness her safe return. As Flicker helped her to stumble through a gap in the throng, she caught sight of Cinder and Clinker, Chef Turnspit, the Chancellor and even the Minstrel. King Allfire rose from his
throne and hurried up to Flame, taking her hands in his.
‘Thank goodness, Flame,’ he said.
‘Daddy,’ she said, ‘I’m so sorry for everything - for running away and for burning the Code and for ripping the curtains and for badgering you so much and for -’
‘It doesn’t matter,’ said King Allfire. ‘None of it matters. Now, come and lie down over here - Cinder and Clinker have prepared a comfy couch for you - while your stepmother and I listen to the tale of your rescue.’
Flicker helped Flame to sit down and then recline on the couch. He then made to slink off into the crowd, but she kept a firm grip on his arm.
‘Flame,’ Flicker hissed, ‘I should join the others now.’
‘No, Flicker,’ said Flame, ‘you should stay here with me.’
‘A princess has no need of a lowly squire to attend her,’ said Queen Griddle, peering down from her throne.
‘So, Stepmother,’ said Flame, ‘you do know what Flicker’s job is after all! But he stays here with me, and that’s an end to the matter.’
‘Well then,’ said King Allfire, before Queen Griddle could retort, ‘who will tell us the tale of the daring rescue of my beloved daughter, and the final defeat of the evil Count Geoffrey?’
‘Sir Loungelot will tell us!’ said Queen Griddle.
‘Er… would that please you, Your Majesty?’ Sir Loungelot asked the King.
‘Yes, I think perhaps it would,’ said King Allfire. ‘I’d like to hear everything that happened, Loungelot - the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.’
‘You’ll hear nothing else from me, sire,’ said Sir Loungelot. ‘Not this time.’
Sir Loungelot recounted the tale of everything that had happened since the Knights of the Square Table had left Camelhot that morning, leaving out no details and speaking the truth in its entirety. The other knights were surprised to hear about Scorchred’s part in the story, and exchanged significant looks.
‘Sir Loungelot,’ said King Allfire, ‘have you told me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?’
‘I have, Your Majesty,’ said Sir Loungelot.
‘I’ll vouch for that, Your Majesty,’ said Sir Blaze. ‘Loungey has told you exactly what happened; I couldn’t have put it better myself.’
‘I, too, back up Sir Loungelot’s account, sir,’ said Sir Galahot.
‘Aye, I also,’ said Sir Burnevere.
‘Yes, and me,’ said Sir Hotbreath.
‘Me too, Your Majesty,’ said Sir Charash. ‘Of course, Sir Loungelot doesn’t know the part of the tale where I was waylaid on my way back to Camelhot by a demon in disguise as a beautiful maiden who tested my chastity with her alluring ways, but I’ll bore you all with that story another day.’
‘Well,’ said King Allfire, ‘then I think there really is only one course of action open to me, isn’t there? Stand up, squire, and approach your king.’
A few seconds passed before Flicker realised that he had been given an order. Flame nudged him in the ribs, and he rose to his feet.
‘Your Majesty,’ he said, executing a bow as he approached, ‘I am your humble servant.’
‘Yes, humble is the word, isn’t it?’ chuckled King Allfire. ‘I don’t suppose that you would ever have told me yourself of your part in all this, would you? But Flicker, I owe you my daughter.’
‘Pay him, then,’ Flame muttered under her breath.
‘You killed my evil nephew, you rescued my daughter, and let’s not forget that you’ve also saved my kingdom on more than one occasion in the past,’ said King Allfire. ’And so, under the circumstances, there’s really only one thing I can do.’
King Allfire reached behind his throne and withdrew Excaliburn. A collective gasp went up around the hall, and Flame sat forward eagerly on her couch.
‘Kneel, Flicker of Northumberland,’ said King Allfire, and he touched Excaliburn’s blade to each of Flicker’s shoulders in turn, ‘and arise Sir Flicker, peer of the realm and Knight of the Square Table.’
A colossal cheer erupted around the hall as Flicker rose, a broad grin on his face. Flame squealed and ran to embrace him, her wooziness entirely forgotten.
‘Allfire, are you sure you’re not being a little rash?’ said Queen Griddle.
‘Yes, my dear, I am entirely sure,’ said King Allfire. ‘In fact, I must admit that I have been a little sluggish over this matter, and for that I apologise to everyone involved. Now, Sir Flicker, is there anyone you would like to invite here to Camelhot to celebrate your knighthood? I know that your parents are no longer with us, but perhaps you have other friends or family members you would like to invite, hmm?’
‘No, My Liege,’ said Flicker. ‘My family is here, in this throne room - all of it.’
‘Excellent,’ King Allfire grinned, slipping an arm around Flicker’s shoulders, ‘then we’ll have the party right now! Cinder and Clinker - party time!’
‘Our pleasure, Your Majesty,’ said Clinker, sounding almost happy for once.
‘Oh, Daddy,’ Flame squeaked, ‘thank you.’
‘It is I who should thank you, Flame, and you, Flicker, for the fact that we’re all still here and in one piece,’ said King Allfire.
‘King Allfire,’ said Flicker, ‘it is, always has been and always will be my pleasure to serve you and Camelhot, and to -’
‘Let’s leave the speeches until after the party, dear boy!’ King Allfire interrupted, slapping Flicker heartily on the back. ‘We have so much to celebrate, so let’s get on with it!’
‘Huzzah!’ cheered the entire court of Camelhot.
‘Flicker,’ said Flame, reaching out to him. He turned to her and took hold of her outstretched hand. ‘Now will you say it?’
‘Now I’ll say it, Flame,’ Flicker said quietly. ‘I love you.’
throne and hurried up to Flame, taking her hands in his.
‘Thank goodness, Flame,’ he said.
‘Daddy,’ she said, ‘I’m so sorry for everything - for running away and for burning the Code and for ripping the curtains and for badgering you so much and for -’
‘It doesn’t matter,’ said King Allfire. ‘None of it matters. Now, come and lie down over here - Cinder and Clinker have prepared a comfy couch for you - while your stepmother and I listen to the tale of your rescue.’
Flicker helped Flame to sit down and then recline on the couch. He then made to slink off into the crowd, but she kept a firm grip on his arm.
‘Flame,’ Flicker hissed, ‘I should join the others now.’
‘No, Flicker,’ said Flame, ‘you should stay here with me.’
‘A princess has no need of a lowly squire to attend her,’ said Queen Griddle, peering down from her throne.
‘So, Stepmother,’ said Flame, ‘you do know what Flicker’s job is after all! But he stays here with me, and that’s an end to the matter.’
‘Well then,’ said King Allfire, before Queen Griddle could retort, ‘who will tell us the tale of the daring rescue of my beloved daughter, and the final defeat of the evil Count Geoffrey?’
‘Sir Loungelot will tell us!’ said Queen Griddle.
‘Er… would that please you, Your Majesty?’ Sir Loungelot asked the King.
‘Yes, I think perhaps it would,’ said King Allfire. ‘I’d like to hear everything that happened, Loungelot - the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.’
‘You’ll hear nothing else from me, sire,’ said Sir Loungelot. ‘Not this time.’
Sir Loungelot recounted the tale of everything that had happened since the Knights of the Square Table had left Camelhot that morning, leaving out no details and speaking the truth in its entirety. The other knights were surprised to hear about Scorchred’s part in the story, and exchanged significant looks.
‘Sir Loungelot,’ said King Allfire, ‘have you told me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?’
‘I have, Your Majesty,’ said Sir Loungelot.
‘I’ll vouch for that, Your Majesty,’ said Sir Blaze. ‘Loungey has told you exactly what happened; I couldn’t have put it better myself.’
‘I, too, back up Sir Loungelot’s account, sir,’ said Sir Galahot.
‘Aye, I also,’ said Sir Burnevere.
‘Yes, and me,’ said Sir Hotbreath.
‘Me too, Your Majesty,’ said Sir Charash. ‘Of course, Sir Loungelot doesn’t know the part of the tale where I was waylaid on my way back to Camelhot by a demon in disguise as a beautiful maiden who tested my chastity with her alluring ways, but I’ll bore you all with that story another day.’
‘Well,’ said King Allfire, ‘then I think there really is only one course of action open to me, isn’t there? Stand up, squire, and approach your king.’
A few seconds passed before Flicker realised that he had been given an order. Flame nudged him in the ribs, and he rose to his feet.
‘Your Majesty,’ he said, executing a bow as he approached, ‘I am your humble servant.’
‘Yes, humble is the word, isn’t it?’ chuckled King Allfire. ‘I don’t suppose that you would ever have told me yourself of your part in all this, would you? But Flicker, I owe you my daughter.’
‘Pay him, then,’ Flame muttered under her breath.
‘You killed my evil nephew, you rescued my daughter, and let’s not forget that you’ve also saved my kingdom on more than one occasion in the past,’ said King Allfire. ’And so, under the circumstances, there’s really only one thing I can do.’
King Allfire reached behind his throne and withdrew Excaliburn. A collective gasp went up around the hall, and Flame sat forward eagerly on her couch.
‘Kneel, Flicker of Northumberland,’ said King Allfire, and he touched Excaliburn’s blade to each of Flicker’s shoulders in turn, ‘and arise Sir Flicker, peer of the realm and Knight of the Square Table.’
A colossal cheer erupted around the hall as Flicker rose, a broad grin on his face. Flame squealed and ran to embrace him, her wooziness entirely forgotten.
‘Allfire, are you sure you’re not being a little rash?’ said Queen Griddle.
‘Yes, my dear, I am entirely sure,’ said King Allfire. ‘In fact, I must admit that I have been a little sluggish over this matter, and for that I apologise to everyone involved. Now, Sir Flicker, is there anyone you would like to invite here to Camelhot to celebrate your knighthood? I know that your parents are no longer with us, but perhaps you have other friends or family members you would like to invite, hmm?’
‘No, My Liege,’ said Flicker. ‘My family is here, in this throne room - all of it.’
‘Excellent,’ King Allfire grinned, slipping an arm around Flicker’s shoulders, ‘then we’ll have the party right now! Cinder and Clinker - party time!’
‘Our pleasure, Your Majesty,’ said Clinker, sounding almost happy for once.
‘Oh, Daddy,’ Flame squeaked, ‘thank you.’
‘It is I who should thank you, Flame, and you, Flicker, for the fact that we’re all still here and in one piece,’ said King Allfire.
‘King Allfire,’ said Flicker, ‘it is, always has been and always will be my pleasure to serve you and Camelhot, and to -’
‘Let’s leave the speeches until after the party, dear boy!’ King Allfire interrupted, slapping Flicker heartily on the back. ‘We have so much to celebrate, so let’s get on with it!’
‘Huzzah!’ cheered the entire court of Camelhot.
‘Flicker,’ said Flame, reaching out to him. He turned to her and took hold of her outstretched hand. ‘Now will you say it?’
‘Now I’ll say it, Flame,’ Flicker said quietly. ‘I love you.’
‘Happy wedding day, sis!’
Sir Blaze, dressed up in a colourful ensemble, burst into Flame’s bedroom holding a bouquet of flowers in his left hand and a bundle of cloth under his right arm. Flame stopped in the process of climbing out of bed and looked at Blaze with trepidation.
‘What’s all that?’ she asked.
‘Accessories,’ said Blaze. ‘I’m going to dress you up, just like when you were little.’
‘Oh, must you? This isn’t supposed to be about getting dressed up.’
‘I know, it’s supposed to be about you and Flicker. But you’ve got the rest of your lives for that. In the meantime, everybody’s terribly excited about the wedding. You wouldn’t believe how curious all the serfs are about what your dress will look like.’
‘Oh, honestly!’ said Flame. ‘Does it matter? Look, I really don’t want a fuss.’
‘Well, that’s just too bad, I’m afraid.’ Blaze dumped his things on the foot of the bed, and a white mug bearing an emblem fell out from amongst some lacy cloth. ‘It’s all anyone’s talking about. Look, I thought you’d like to see one of these mugs Cinder and Clinker have been selling.’
He picked up the mug and handed it to Flame. She stared in surprise at her own portrait next to Flicker’s, both smiling cheesily and framed in a pink heart. Then her brow furrowed as she read, beneath the image, ‘Flicks and Flame?’
‘That’s what everyone’s calling you,’ said Blaze. ‘But look, don’t worry about any of that. Just give the people what they want today, and then you can spend the rest of your life enjoying your marriage. By the way, how are you feeling?’
‘I’m not really sure at the moment,’ said Flame. ‘Not nervous. Well, kind of nervous, but not really.’ She put down the mug and began opening out a length of white material. ‘What on earth do we need all this for?’
‘I thought I’d better whip you up a quick train,’ said Blaze, ‘so as not to disappoint people… and I thought maybe you’d let me hold it for you. I know girls normally do that sort of thing, but… well, since you don’t have a sister to do it…’
‘Oh, Blaze,’ said Flame, smiling. ‘Of course you must carry my train.’
Sir Blaze, dressed up in a colourful ensemble, burst into Flame’s bedroom holding a bouquet of flowers in his left hand and a bundle of cloth under his right arm. Flame stopped in the process of climbing out of bed and looked at Blaze with trepidation.
‘What’s all that?’ she asked.
‘Accessories,’ said Blaze. ‘I’m going to dress you up, just like when you were little.’
‘Oh, must you? This isn’t supposed to be about getting dressed up.’
‘I know, it’s supposed to be about you and Flicker. But you’ve got the rest of your lives for that. In the meantime, everybody’s terribly excited about the wedding. You wouldn’t believe how curious all the serfs are about what your dress will look like.’
‘Oh, honestly!’ said Flame. ‘Does it matter? Look, I really don’t want a fuss.’
‘Well, that’s just too bad, I’m afraid.’ Blaze dumped his things on the foot of the bed, and a white mug bearing an emblem fell out from amongst some lacy cloth. ‘It’s all anyone’s talking about. Look, I thought you’d like to see one of these mugs Cinder and Clinker have been selling.’
He picked up the mug and handed it to Flame. She stared in surprise at her own portrait next to Flicker’s, both smiling cheesily and framed in a pink heart. Then her brow furrowed as she read, beneath the image, ‘Flicks and Flame?’
‘That’s what everyone’s calling you,’ said Blaze. ‘But look, don’t worry about any of that. Just give the people what they want today, and then you can spend the rest of your life enjoying your marriage. By the way, how are you feeling?’
‘I’m not really sure at the moment,’ said Flame. ‘Not nervous. Well, kind of nervous, but not really.’ She put down the mug and began opening out a length of white material. ‘What on earth do we need all this for?’
‘I thought I’d better whip you up a quick train,’ said Blaze, ‘so as not to disappoint people… and I thought maybe you’d let me hold it for you. I know girls normally do that sort of thing, but… well, since you don’t have a sister to do it…’
‘Oh, Blaze,’ said Flame, smiling. ‘Of course you must carry my train.’
In the castle kitchen, a five-tier wedding cake stood on the table while Chef Turnspit hovered above it, carefully lowering a pair of figures onto its centre. A young male dragon wearing an apron watched him with interest.
‘I do like those marzipan figures, Chef,’ he said.
‘Don’t talk to me, Boy!’ snapped Turnspit. ‘This is very delicate work!’
‘Sorry, Chef.’
‘Go and see if that chocolate mousse has set yet, will you?’
‘Yes, Chef.’
The boy went trotting off to another part of the kitchen and passed Cinder and Clinker, who were strapped to a tray of Flicks and Flame mugs.
‘Any more mugs for the kitchen, Chef?’ asked Cinder.
‘I’ve got quite enough mugs, thank you,’ said Turnspit, easing his hand tentatively away from the cake, having placed the figures on it. ‘I say, fellas, what do you think of my cake? Is it worthy of a princess?’ He flapped down to earth, looking worried.
‘It’s magnificent, Chef,’ said Cinder.
‘A masterpiece,’ said Clinker. ‘But I don’t think the Princess is that fussed, to be honest. By the way, we came to tell you that they’re ready for the appetisers.’
‘Oh my goodness!’ said Turnspit. ‘Already? I do hope that boy hasn’t messed them up - the Queen would have my head. Boy!’
The boy came trotting back into view and said, ‘Nearly set, Chef.’
‘Good. They’d better be ready in time for dessert. Right then. Sausages on sticks, Boy, upstairs, now.’
‘Yes, Chef.’
‘I do like those marzipan figures, Chef,’ he said.
‘Don’t talk to me, Boy!’ snapped Turnspit. ‘This is very delicate work!’
‘Sorry, Chef.’
‘Go and see if that chocolate mousse has set yet, will you?’
‘Yes, Chef.’
The boy went trotting off to another part of the kitchen and passed Cinder and Clinker, who were strapped to a tray of Flicks and Flame mugs.
‘Any more mugs for the kitchen, Chef?’ asked Cinder.
‘I’ve got quite enough mugs, thank you,’ said Turnspit, easing his hand tentatively away from the cake, having placed the figures on it. ‘I say, fellas, what do you think of my cake? Is it worthy of a princess?’ He flapped down to earth, looking worried.
‘It’s magnificent, Chef,’ said Cinder.
‘A masterpiece,’ said Clinker. ‘But I don’t think the Princess is that fussed, to be honest. By the way, we came to tell you that they’re ready for the appetisers.’
‘Oh my goodness!’ said Turnspit. ‘Already? I do hope that boy hasn’t messed them up - the Queen would have my head. Boy!’
The boy came trotting back into view and said, ‘Nearly set, Chef.’
‘Good. They’d better be ready in time for dessert. Right then. Sausages on sticks, Boy, upstairs, now.’
‘Yes, Chef.’
‘Lovely ceremony, Chancellor,’ said King Allfire.
‘Thank you, Your Majesty,’ said the Chancellor, shaking the King’s hand. ‘It was rather good, wasn’t it?’
People were milling about, making their way to the Great Hall, while Blaze and Flicker struggled to help Flame control her train.
‘Oh dear!’ said Blaze. ‘Perhaps this wasn’t such a good idea after all.’
‘Never mind, Blaze,’ said Flame, smiling at Flicker. ‘It didn’t stop us getting married - that’s the important thing.’
‘I just have to say, Blaze,’ said Sir Charash, as he passed them, ‘you look great from behind in those breeches.’
‘Oh!’ said Blaze, smiling and blushing deeply. ‘Thank you, Charash. Oh, Flame, I’m so sorry - I hope my posterior didn’t steal your thunder!’
‘I’ve told you, Blaze,’ said Flame. ‘I don’t want any thunder. All I want is Flicker. I suppose it’s too early to sneak off and -’
‘Hi, you two!’
Flame looked round and saw Sir Wick and Princess Solder approaching, the latter carrying a baby who kept hiccupping little jets of fire. Keeping her son well to one side, Solder embraced Flame with her free arm and said, ‘I’m so happy for you! Now you won’t have to kill yourself after all!’
‘I know!’ said Flame, returning the hug while Wick shook hands with Flicker and said, ‘Congratulations. Got there in the end, eh?’
‘Yes,’ said Flicker. ‘Thank you. And thanks for writing that letter to the King, Your Highness. I think it really helped.’
‘No problem,’ said Solder. Then she turned to Blaze. ‘Hello. It’s Sir Blaze, isn’t it? I must say, I do like your outfit. It looked great from the back.’
‘Thank you, Your Highness,’ said Blaze. ‘And this must be the little prince! Can I hold him?’
‘He’s not a prince yet, Sir Blaze,’ said Solder, ‘but certainly you can hold him.’
She handed the child to Blaze, in whose arms he continued to hiccup happily, and everyone around him cooed over the little jets of fire he produced. Within moments they were joined by Queen Griddle, who barged into their midst wearing an extravagant hat, and said, ‘This must be little Ignatio! Oh, I say, he looks a strong and healthy little future king, doesn’t he? You’ll be wanting one of these soon, won’t you, Flame? A nice, healthy baby boy just like this one. Think you can manage that, Sir Flicker?’
‘I…’ Flicker said awkwardly. ‘I’ll certainly do my best, Your Majesty.’
‘Good,’ said Griddle. ‘Now then, Flame, when do you think would be a good time for you to throw the bouquet? After the feast?’
‘Oh, Stepmother, what is the point? There are no unmarried women here!’
Griddle looked about to argue, while Blaze, Solder and Wick had begun directing baby talk at Ignatio. Flicker stepped back from the group, then turned and made his way into the Great Hall, where many guests were seated and the kitchen boy was walking around with a tray of sausages on sticks. The Minstrel was there, moving slowly between the tables and strumming on his lute. Flicker’s eyes sought out Sir Loungelot, and they soon found him, filling his plate with finger food.
‘Hello, Flicker,’ said Loungelot, as Flicker sat down next to him. ‘Come for a chat, have you? Fancy a good old heart to heart after everything we’ve been through?’
‘Something like that,’ said Flicker. ‘Are you going to be okay?’
Loungelot stopped chewing, his mouth still full of food, and frowned at him. ‘Why wouldn’t I be okay?’
‘Well… it’s just… you’ll have to adjust, won’t you?’
‘Not as much as you will. Don’t worry, Flicker, I’m not helpless.’
As Sir Loungelot spoke, the kitchen boy approached with his tray and said, ‘Sausages on sticks, Milords?’
‘Don’t mind if I do,’ said Loungelot. He began picking up the sausages one by one and piling them onto his plate. ‘Who are you?’
‘Kitchen boy, Milord.’
‘What’s your name?’ asked Flicker.
‘Crackle, Milord.’
‘How do you like Camelhot, Crackle?’
‘You can’t like it much if you’re working under Turnspit,’ said Loungelot. ‘I don’t suppose you fancy a squire’s life, do you?’
‘Oh, yes, Milord!’ said Crackle, his eyes lighting up at once. ‘It would be a greater honour than I ever could have asked for, Milord! I never dreamed, when I set out on my journey for Camelhot, that I might serve directly under a Knight of the Square Table!’
‘Do you hope to become a knight yourself someday, Crackle?’ asked Flicker.
‘It is my dearest wish, Milord,’ said Crackle. ‘All my life I have dreamed -’
‘All right, we know the story,’ said Loungelot. ‘We’ll talk about it later. In the meantime, boy, you’d better go and get some more sausages on sticks, hadn’t you?’
Crackle looked down at his tray, which Loungelot had emptied of all but three sausages, said ‘Yes, Milord,’ and went trotting off.
‘Turnspit won’t like that,’ said Flicker.
‘He’ll get over it,’ said Loungelot.
‘Well, be nice to the boy, won’t you?’
‘Are you saying I wasn’t nice to you?’
‘Well,’ said Flicker, ‘you could have been a bit nicer… sometimes.’
‘Yes, all right, we’ve been through all that,’ said Loungelot, ‘which is why I’m sure the King will be keeping an annoyingly close watch on me from now on. So, I shall have to be as nice as pie to young Crackle, shan’t I?’
‘I suppose you will,’ said Flicker. ‘Good luck to you, then.’
‘Thanks,’ said Loungelot. ‘Same to you. Look, why are you talking to me anyway? I’d have thought you’d had enough of me by now. Where’s your wife?’
‘She got nabbed by the Queen.’
‘Oh, bad luck. Well, I’d eat something if I were you.’
‘Oh.’ Flicker looked down the tables, and saw that Crackle was rapidly filling them with various food items. ‘I’m not very hungry at the moment.’
‘You’ll need your strength. If you don’t eat, you’ll never make a healthy young princess for my new squire to fall in love with.’
‘Oh, don’t you start!’
‘Sorry,’ said Loungelot, just as the Minstrel strolled into view, strumming away on his lute.
‘Hello, Minstrel,’ said Flicker. ‘It’s good to see you back again. Do you think you’ll stay this time?’
‘Maybe,’ said the Minstrel, ‘if the King can find a use for me. But of course I couldn’t miss your and Princess Flame’s wedding, Flicker. After following you both through all that, I had to see it resolved. Congratulations, by the way.’
‘Thanks,’ said Flicker.
‘Look,’ said Loungelot, catching Flicker’s eye and nodding to where Flame was hiding behind Sir Blaze, casting anxious glances towards Griddle. ‘She’s escaped.’
‘You’d better go and rescue her, Flicker,’ said the Minstrel, with a smile and a wink. ‘She likes that.’
Flicker gave the Minstrel a blank look, then stood up and crossed the room to where Flame was hiding.
‘You’re not playing anymore,’ said Loungelot.
The Minstrel looked down at his lute. ‘Nor I am. Well, how about a song to really get things going? Let me see now…’ He resumed strumming on his lute, and then began to sing:
‘So Flicker’s been knighted at last,
‘And Camelhot’s having a blast.
‘He and Flame tied the knot,
‘While Count Geoffrey’s left to rot.
‘Now the old status quo’s in the past.’
‘Thank you, Your Majesty,’ said the Chancellor, shaking the King’s hand. ‘It was rather good, wasn’t it?’
People were milling about, making their way to the Great Hall, while Blaze and Flicker struggled to help Flame control her train.
‘Oh dear!’ said Blaze. ‘Perhaps this wasn’t such a good idea after all.’
‘Never mind, Blaze,’ said Flame, smiling at Flicker. ‘It didn’t stop us getting married - that’s the important thing.’
‘I just have to say, Blaze,’ said Sir Charash, as he passed them, ‘you look great from behind in those breeches.’
‘Oh!’ said Blaze, smiling and blushing deeply. ‘Thank you, Charash. Oh, Flame, I’m so sorry - I hope my posterior didn’t steal your thunder!’
‘I’ve told you, Blaze,’ said Flame. ‘I don’t want any thunder. All I want is Flicker. I suppose it’s too early to sneak off and -’
‘Hi, you two!’
Flame looked round and saw Sir Wick and Princess Solder approaching, the latter carrying a baby who kept hiccupping little jets of fire. Keeping her son well to one side, Solder embraced Flame with her free arm and said, ‘I’m so happy for you! Now you won’t have to kill yourself after all!’
‘I know!’ said Flame, returning the hug while Wick shook hands with Flicker and said, ‘Congratulations. Got there in the end, eh?’
‘Yes,’ said Flicker. ‘Thank you. And thanks for writing that letter to the King, Your Highness. I think it really helped.’
‘No problem,’ said Solder. Then she turned to Blaze. ‘Hello. It’s Sir Blaze, isn’t it? I must say, I do like your outfit. It looked great from the back.’
‘Thank you, Your Highness,’ said Blaze. ‘And this must be the little prince! Can I hold him?’
‘He’s not a prince yet, Sir Blaze,’ said Solder, ‘but certainly you can hold him.’
She handed the child to Blaze, in whose arms he continued to hiccup happily, and everyone around him cooed over the little jets of fire he produced. Within moments they were joined by Queen Griddle, who barged into their midst wearing an extravagant hat, and said, ‘This must be little Ignatio! Oh, I say, he looks a strong and healthy little future king, doesn’t he? You’ll be wanting one of these soon, won’t you, Flame? A nice, healthy baby boy just like this one. Think you can manage that, Sir Flicker?’
‘I…’ Flicker said awkwardly. ‘I’ll certainly do my best, Your Majesty.’
‘Good,’ said Griddle. ‘Now then, Flame, when do you think would be a good time for you to throw the bouquet? After the feast?’
‘Oh, Stepmother, what is the point? There are no unmarried women here!’
Griddle looked about to argue, while Blaze, Solder and Wick had begun directing baby talk at Ignatio. Flicker stepped back from the group, then turned and made his way into the Great Hall, where many guests were seated and the kitchen boy was walking around with a tray of sausages on sticks. The Minstrel was there, moving slowly between the tables and strumming on his lute. Flicker’s eyes sought out Sir Loungelot, and they soon found him, filling his plate with finger food.
‘Hello, Flicker,’ said Loungelot, as Flicker sat down next to him. ‘Come for a chat, have you? Fancy a good old heart to heart after everything we’ve been through?’
‘Something like that,’ said Flicker. ‘Are you going to be okay?’
Loungelot stopped chewing, his mouth still full of food, and frowned at him. ‘Why wouldn’t I be okay?’
‘Well… it’s just… you’ll have to adjust, won’t you?’
‘Not as much as you will. Don’t worry, Flicker, I’m not helpless.’
As Sir Loungelot spoke, the kitchen boy approached with his tray and said, ‘Sausages on sticks, Milords?’
‘Don’t mind if I do,’ said Loungelot. He began picking up the sausages one by one and piling them onto his plate. ‘Who are you?’
‘Kitchen boy, Milord.’
‘What’s your name?’ asked Flicker.
‘Crackle, Milord.’
‘How do you like Camelhot, Crackle?’
‘You can’t like it much if you’re working under Turnspit,’ said Loungelot. ‘I don’t suppose you fancy a squire’s life, do you?’
‘Oh, yes, Milord!’ said Crackle, his eyes lighting up at once. ‘It would be a greater honour than I ever could have asked for, Milord! I never dreamed, when I set out on my journey for Camelhot, that I might serve directly under a Knight of the Square Table!’
‘Do you hope to become a knight yourself someday, Crackle?’ asked Flicker.
‘It is my dearest wish, Milord,’ said Crackle. ‘All my life I have dreamed -’
‘All right, we know the story,’ said Loungelot. ‘We’ll talk about it later. In the meantime, boy, you’d better go and get some more sausages on sticks, hadn’t you?’
Crackle looked down at his tray, which Loungelot had emptied of all but three sausages, said ‘Yes, Milord,’ and went trotting off.
‘Turnspit won’t like that,’ said Flicker.
‘He’ll get over it,’ said Loungelot.
‘Well, be nice to the boy, won’t you?’
‘Are you saying I wasn’t nice to you?’
‘Well,’ said Flicker, ‘you could have been a bit nicer… sometimes.’
‘Yes, all right, we’ve been through all that,’ said Loungelot, ‘which is why I’m sure the King will be keeping an annoyingly close watch on me from now on. So, I shall have to be as nice as pie to young Crackle, shan’t I?’
‘I suppose you will,’ said Flicker. ‘Good luck to you, then.’
‘Thanks,’ said Loungelot. ‘Same to you. Look, why are you talking to me anyway? I’d have thought you’d had enough of me by now. Where’s your wife?’
‘She got nabbed by the Queen.’
‘Oh, bad luck. Well, I’d eat something if I were you.’
‘Oh.’ Flicker looked down the tables, and saw that Crackle was rapidly filling them with various food items. ‘I’m not very hungry at the moment.’
‘You’ll need your strength. If you don’t eat, you’ll never make a healthy young princess for my new squire to fall in love with.’
‘Oh, don’t you start!’
‘Sorry,’ said Loungelot, just as the Minstrel strolled into view, strumming away on his lute.
‘Hello, Minstrel,’ said Flicker. ‘It’s good to see you back again. Do you think you’ll stay this time?’
‘Maybe,’ said the Minstrel, ‘if the King can find a use for me. But of course I couldn’t miss your and Princess Flame’s wedding, Flicker. After following you both through all that, I had to see it resolved. Congratulations, by the way.’
‘Thanks,’ said Flicker.
‘Look,’ said Loungelot, catching Flicker’s eye and nodding to where Flame was hiding behind Sir Blaze, casting anxious glances towards Griddle. ‘She’s escaped.’
‘You’d better go and rescue her, Flicker,’ said the Minstrel, with a smile and a wink. ‘She likes that.’
Flicker gave the Minstrel a blank look, then stood up and crossed the room to where Flame was hiding.
‘You’re not playing anymore,’ said Loungelot.
The Minstrel looked down at his lute. ‘Nor I am. Well, how about a song to really get things going? Let me see now…’ He resumed strumming on his lute, and then began to sing:
‘So Flicker’s been knighted at last,
‘And Camelhot’s having a blast.
‘He and Flame tied the knot,
‘While Count Geoffrey’s left to rot.
‘Now the old status quo’s in the past.’
The three Evil Knights and the Evil Spy were sitting in a line against the dungeon wall, drinking from Flicks and Flame mugs.
‘I heard it was a lovely ceremony,’ said Evil Knight Number Three.
‘I heard that Flicker whispered something to Flame and made her laugh when she came to stand next to him at the altar,’ said the Evil Spy.
‘I heard there were so many guests that they ran out of chocolate mousse and had to make some more,’ said Evil Knight Number One.
‘Well, all I’ve heard anyone say is that Sir Blaze’s bottom looked extremely fetching,’ said Evil Knight Number Two. ‘Imagine that - upstaged by your sibling’s bottom on your wedding day!’
‘Will you cretins shut up?’ Count Geoffrey snarled. ‘I hate the royal wedding - I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!’
‘Lighten up, Count Geoffrey,’ said Evil Knight Number Two. ‘Today is a very special day.’
‘I wonder when Princess Flame is going to have a baby,’ said Evil Knight Number Three.
‘Dragons don’t have babies, you dullard - they have eggs!’ said Count Geoffrey.
‘I know that, but the eggs have babies inside them, don’t they?’ said Evil Knight Number Three.
Count Geoffrey opened his mouth to argue, but shut it again when he realised that he could not accurately contradict this statement. He glared down at the Flicks and Flame mug in his hand, before roaring in frustration and hurling it against the wall, where it shattered spectacularly.
‘Well,’ said Evil Knight Number Two, ‘I’m not lending you mine when you get thirsty, so don’t ask!’
‘I shall go mad,’ Count Geoffrey moaned, sinking to the floor in despair. ‘Oh, well - at least I’ll be in appropriate company.’
‘I heard it was a lovely ceremony,’ said Evil Knight Number Three.
‘I heard that Flicker whispered something to Flame and made her laugh when she came to stand next to him at the altar,’ said the Evil Spy.
‘I heard there were so many guests that they ran out of chocolate mousse and had to make some more,’ said Evil Knight Number One.
‘Well, all I’ve heard anyone say is that Sir Blaze’s bottom looked extremely fetching,’ said Evil Knight Number Two. ‘Imagine that - upstaged by your sibling’s bottom on your wedding day!’
‘Will you cretins shut up?’ Count Geoffrey snarled. ‘I hate the royal wedding - I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!’
‘Lighten up, Count Geoffrey,’ said Evil Knight Number Two. ‘Today is a very special day.’
‘I wonder when Princess Flame is going to have a baby,’ said Evil Knight Number Three.
‘Dragons don’t have babies, you dullard - they have eggs!’ said Count Geoffrey.
‘I know that, but the eggs have babies inside them, don’t they?’ said Evil Knight Number Three.
Count Geoffrey opened his mouth to argue, but shut it again when he realised that he could not accurately contradict this statement. He glared down at the Flicks and Flame mug in his hand, before roaring in frustration and hurling it against the wall, where it shattered spectacularly.
‘Well,’ said Evil Knight Number Two, ‘I’m not lending you mine when you get thirsty, so don’t ask!’
‘I shall go mad,’ Count Geoffrey moaned, sinking to the floor in despair. ‘Oh, well - at least I’ll be in appropriate company.’
Flicker and Flame arrived at their newly decorated bedroom; the door stood open, waiting for them.
‘I say,’ said Flicker, ‘Cinder and Clinker have surpassed themselves - I think they must have borrowed my paint sprayer, to get it all done so quickly.’
‘Well,’ sighed Flame, ‘now it’s just the two of us, Flicker.’
‘Er, yes,’ said Flicker. ‘That’s a good thing, isn’t it?’
‘Definitely,’ said Flame, beaming all over her face. ‘It’s the best thing. So, are you going to carry me over the threshold?’
‘If you like,’ Flicker laughed.
‘I hope Stepmother Griddle hasn’t drilled a few spy-holes around the place,’ said Flame. ‘She seems really keen for us to make an egg, you know.’
‘And to think she didn’t even know my name a few weeks ago,’ said Flicker. ‘Now she wants me to…’
‘I want you to, Flicker,’ said Flame. ‘But not for the same reasons as my stepmother, Queen Griddle… well, not exclusively anyway.’
‘Then I can’t refuse, can I?’ said Flicker. ‘After all, you are the Princess - all you have to do is command me.’
‘I command you, Flicker, to carry me into that room,’ said Flame, ‘and begin our life together as a married couple!’
‘My pleasure, Your Highness,’ said Flicker.
With that, he scooped her into his arms - causing her to giggle slightly - and carried her over the threshold, closing the door after them with one flick of his tail.
‘I say,’ said Flicker, ‘Cinder and Clinker have surpassed themselves - I think they must have borrowed my paint sprayer, to get it all done so quickly.’
‘Well,’ sighed Flame, ‘now it’s just the two of us, Flicker.’
‘Er, yes,’ said Flicker. ‘That’s a good thing, isn’t it?’
‘Definitely,’ said Flame, beaming all over her face. ‘It’s the best thing. So, are you going to carry me over the threshold?’
‘If you like,’ Flicker laughed.
‘I hope Stepmother Griddle hasn’t drilled a few spy-holes around the place,’ said Flame. ‘She seems really keen for us to make an egg, you know.’
‘And to think she didn’t even know my name a few weeks ago,’ said Flicker. ‘Now she wants me to…’
‘I want you to, Flicker,’ said Flame. ‘But not for the same reasons as my stepmother, Queen Griddle… well, not exclusively anyway.’
‘Then I can’t refuse, can I?’ said Flicker. ‘After all, you are the Princess - all you have to do is command me.’
‘I command you, Flicker, to carry me into that room,’ said Flame, ‘and begin our life together as a married couple!’
‘My pleasure, Your Highness,’ said Flicker.
With that, he scooped her into his arms - causing her to giggle slightly - and carried her over the threshold, closing the door after them with one flick of his tail.
Written by Rosey Collins and Jake Collins